Happy New Year! I hope 2012 brings you everything you hope for yourself.

For me, the New Year begins with the release of my new book! Friday, January 6^th! At last!  The title is “I Love You – Now Get Over Yourself: 7 Secrets for Professional Success from The Jewish Mother Executive Coach” (phew)!

For the last 3 years, working on writing this book, I changed topics several times trying to find the most useful thing to write about. I went through the agonies of self-doubt, crises of confidence, and just plain laziness. In the end, it was crystal clear that whatever I was to write had to be about and for others. It was one of the greatest challenges and most difficult tasks I’ve ever undertaken. However, I won’t lie, when I actually saw and held the physical copy of the book in my hand, it was thrilling. I had actually accomplished something I never thought I could.

Make no mistake though. “I Love You-Now Get Over Yourself” is about you. It is about the issues you deal with in your professional lives and how to handle them successfully. It details how others have faced the same issues and beat them and how you can do it too

My greatest hope for this book is that it will serve as a valuable tool for solving some of the problems you’re facing.  Just as in my coaching, it is direct, to the point, with dashes of humor.

There are client stories to illustrate each of the 7 problems and then, step by step coaching enabling you to successfully handle the situation.

The book will be available in soft-cover and e-versions for however you prefer to read.  Also, I will be putting chapters or parts of chapters on line here from time to time, perhaps with a different client story illustrating the issue.  So check back here to see if there’s something more I can give you.

I hope you buy the book, use it, and love it. But however you feel about it please let me know. I learn from every reaction, suggestion, and comment and I can help others by using your feedback.   If you are so inclined, please feel free to write a review on the amazon site.

Buy the book here!!!!

Once again, best wishes for a wonderful new year and I look forward to hearing from you in 2012.  ♦Ruth

The Elements of Success - Showing Up and Doing Something That Scares You.

“There are times when you just have to show up.”  says Marissa Mayer, Google VP in charge of all things local, as she tells her success story. In this case, she’s talking about being there in person for a negotiation instead of doing it over the phone.

But “showing up” also means that you need to show up emotionally when you are working with others. It means you have to listen, you have to be empathetic, you have to be willing, and sometimes you have to put your ego on hold in favor of others. Of course you only have to do these things if you want to be successful!

When others sense you are not fully present – which is what showing up means – you won’t get what you want. You’ve heard the expression “mailing it in”. It means you just aren’t there, you may be present but you are not even trying. Do this enough and it will come back to bite you. When you need someone to “show up” for you, it will be harder to come by if you haven’t been present for them.

The other great tip in this article is to try something that scares you. When you first do it you may get slapped down, as Marissa did. Then of course you have to run, hide, lick your wounds and ask “what was I thinking?”  Fine. But then comes the jackpot question:  What did I learn and how can I make it work?

Success is not for the faint-hearted. It requires strength, openness, strong ego, and commitment. If you’ve got those things, go for it.You may not become a VP at Google, but you will be successful at whatever it is you’re reaching for. If you don’t “show up” with these elements, you’re either chasing the wrong dream, or you’re just mailing it in. In either case, you need to reexamine your hope or you won’t get what you say you want. ♦Ruth

Here’s the link to the article. http://bit.ly/tw1pST

P.S.  In my new book “I Love You-Now Get Over Yourself” there is a whole chapter on how to examine your hope and what to do to realize it. The Book is due for release January 6 2012. Perfect timing for keeping that New Year’s Resolution to be more successful in the new year.

Often, the people who call a coach are already successful. They call because they are likely facing a situation and they want to be sure they get it right.

The notion that somehow one is weak or inadequate is simply wrong. It isn’t because he feels inadequate that Roger Federer has a coach; or the best actors have coaches. It’s because they know they are the best and they are facing something they either haven’t dealt with before or that they want to perfect.

Let’s take a successful actor – if a male has to play a female, he needs to be coached on how to be, act, and think like a female. He needs a coach – maybe more than one. Or if a winning runner is about to race on terrain they haven’t tried before in a place they’ve never been, they need a coach to advise them as to the best strategies.

A successful CEO may be looking to change her direction. To help make a smart decision she will hire a coach to be her trusted advisor. Someone who will challenge her thinking, help strategize, devise new tactics, teach a new skill, and polish what is already there.

And here’s one that surprised even me – a successful surgeon! Coaching a Surgeon: What Makes Top Performers Better? How admirable! He does end the article with a bit of humor (dark humor maybe) – read the last line.

Executive coaching is for the courageous and the successful. It is not for those who are afraid, who think if they call a coach they are showing weakness to themselves and others. Employing a coach to advise and help you get to the next level, make the difficult decisions, or help ratchet up the ante for your next big thing, is smart and shows a level of individuality shared by the strong.

No matter how well trained people are, few can sustain their best performance on their own. That’s where coaching comes in. – Atul Gawande

“The most important decisions you make are not the things you do, but the things you decide not to do.” Steve Jobs

Jobs decided to keep his OS to himself (only in Apple) and not license it out as Microsoft did with windows; he decided to focus on individual users and not companies as IBM and HP did; and of course, he decided not to get the surgery that may have saved his life. So in the end, the thing he decided not to do resulted in his own end.

The things you decide not to do need to have your best thoughts around them. Just as you can say I decided to do such-and-such and here’s why, you need to do the same thing for what you decide not to do.

I’m not talking here about the usual I’m doing this so I’m not doing that routine. I mean when you are seriously faced with a choice, you need to have some way, some guide, as to why you are deciding not to do something.

Your best guide is your hope for yourself; for your life. It is in fact the only guide you can use that will help you toward what the best thing to do is, and the reasons you reject other options.

Most times you will be right. Sometimes you will make the wrong choice, but you will always do it for the right reason. ♦Ruth

Just because you’re right for the job, doesn’t mean you will get it. And sometimes, it has nothing to do with you at all! For some unknown reason, the hiring manager didn’t like you. Unfortunate as this may be, it is the reality. It happens often. Check out this article. It puts it all into perspective http://buswk.co/p3uC2q

When you are being interviewed here are a couple of questions you can ask to help leave an impression of someone who is thoughtful and interested. They by no means guarantee you the job, or even that they will like you, but it does set you apart from someone who is simply answering questions.

1. Ask whomever is interviewing you what they see as the biggest challenge facing the company/the department.
2. Ask what they believe the person needs to be successful in the position.

The only recourse you have is to put yourself out there, razzle-dazzle ‘em a little and then wait. We often know when we’ve hit it out of the park, or we just didn’t connect. Then again… maybe not so much. Whatever the outcome, think about it a little, then let it go and move on.

Good luck. If you have a hiring story, we’d love to read about it. ♦ Ruth