The Elements of Success - Showing Up and Doing Something That Scares You.

“There are times when you just have to show up.”  says Marissa Mayer, Google VP in charge of all things local, as she tells her success story. In this case, she’s talking about being there in person for a negotiation instead of doing it over the phone.

But “showing up” also means that you need to show up emotionally when you are working with others. It means you have to listen, you have to be empathetic, you have to be willing, and sometimes you have to put your ego on hold in favor of others. Of course you only have to do these things if you want to be successful!

When others sense you are not fully present – which is what showing up means – you won’t get what you want. You’ve heard the expression “mailing it in”. It means you just aren’t there, you may be present but you are not even trying. Do this enough and it will come back to bite you. When you need someone to “show up” for you, it will be harder to come by if you haven’t been present for them.

The other great tip in this article is to try something that scares you. When you first do it you may get slapped down, as Marissa did. Then of course you have to run, hide, lick your wounds and ask “what was I thinking?”  Fine. But then comes the jackpot question:  What did I learn and how can I make it work?

Success is not for the faint-hearted. It requires strength, openness, strong ego, and commitment. If you’ve got those things, go for it.You may not become a VP at Google, but you will be successful at whatever it is you’re reaching for. If you don’t “show up” with these elements, you’re either chasing the wrong dream, or you’re just mailing it in. In either case, you need to reexamine your hope or you won’t get what you say you want. ♦Ruth

Here’s the link to the article. http://bit.ly/tw1pST

P.S.  In my new book “I Love You-Now Get Over Yourself” there is a whole chapter on how to examine your hope and what to do to realize it. The Book is due for release January 6 2012. Perfect timing for keeping that New Year’s Resolution to be more successful in the new year.

“The most important decisions you make are not the things you do, but the things you decide not to do.” Steve Jobs

Jobs decided to keep his OS to himself (only in Apple) and not license it out as Microsoft did with windows; he decided to focus on individual users and not companies as IBM and HP did; and of course, he decided not to get the surgery that may have saved his life. So in the end, the thing he decided not to do resulted in his own end.

The things you decide not to do need to have your best thoughts around them. Just as you can say I decided to do such-and-such and here’s why, you need to do the same thing for what you decide not to do.

I’m not talking here about the usual I’m doing this so I’m not doing that routine. I mean when you are seriously faced with a choice, you need to have some way, some guide, as to why you are deciding not to do something.

Your best guide is your hope for yourself; for your life. It is in fact the only guide you can use that will help you toward what the best thing to do is, and the reasons you reject other options.

Most times you will be right. Sometimes you will make the wrong choice, but you will always do it for the right reason. ♦Ruth

You may have seen this; it has been making the rounds this week on the internet:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. …. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair; And maybe it was my fault. He was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I’m A Victim.”

A very sad take on who we are as a society. However, there are bright spots here and there. In some businesses, there are those who still believe. http://buswk.co/qrJcf1 Here’s a CEO employing the tried and true common sense of Peter Drucker. I know it’s only one in many thousands, but at least it shows that common sense may not be dead. Thriving? No – but he’s up and taking nourishment!

Let’s not glue the back of our hands to our foreheads with the “woe is me” mantra. It really does sully the memory of Common Sense – he deserves to live and we are the ones responsible for seeing to it that he rises from the ashes.

What do you think? Is Common Sense dead and gone? ♦ Ruth

(BTW, there are situations where 2 of the stepbrothers are good boys. For example, “I know my rights” – a good thing to have when falsely accused of something (which happens more frequently than you think). “I Want it Now” – is the right thing when the QB says I play to win and I want it now. However, “Someone Else is to Blame”, and “I’m a victim” are definitely the evil twins.)

Reading poetry is a powerful tool for helping us do anything. Here’s THE thing – poetry helps us reflect. Reflection helps us think. I know these days we barely have time to read a newspaper headline, or check our on-line sources, or participate in the social media of choice. But if you will, once in awhile, pickup a book of poetry and read some poems, even for a few minutes, instead of doing the usual thing, you will find that you can do the usual thing much better.

When I coach people on making presentations, I often use poetry as a means to helping the person speak more fluently. That is, the cadence of a poem helps the speaker with the rhythm of her/his presentation. I also then have a conversation with the speaker about the meaning of the poem. This examination helps the speaker think more intently, more efficiently, and more clearly about what their message is. I also use poetry in my executive coaching to help clients clarify their vision and to see the journey more clearly.

Read a single poem or several poems but read them several times over. Try different rhythms when you read them. Think about what the poem is saying to you. Then, for a few minutes, ponder your thoughts about that thing. Then close the book and carry on. I’m betting you will feel calmer, more in control, and more creative than you were before reading the poems.

I can hear the groans now. But I promise you – and I don’t make promises I can’t keep – even if you read one poem for 2 or 3 minutes, you will help your brain as well as your heart (because you will have paused for a few minutes).

Reflection is a beautiful thing, just make sure it doesn’t become procrastination.

Try it and let me know what you think.

Wayne Gretzky, a star hockey player said: “A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be”. And while we’re at it, Seth Godin an author and star change agent said: “You can’t be remarkable by following someone else who is remarkable.”

We can’t all be Wayne Gretskys or Seth Godins, but we certainly can think about ourselves and our work in greater terms than we typically do.

My job as a coach requires me to help clients see their own abilities, have the courage to think more creatively and to believe in their own talent.

The biggest- and scariest – thing is to take a risk. There is no Great anything or anybody without risk. Now we can’t all be Gretskys or Godins, but we certainly can think about a bigger, better, not-there-yet-but-will-be place for what we offer.

I have taken risks all my life (adult life, certainly), and some have paid off, others failed. From selling cars to making movies – I traveled to countries where I knew no one; I entered into professional arenas where I didn’t have experience. What I always knew, was that I was taking a risk, I would do it anyway, and I would learn lots. I wouldn’t trade a single one of them – not the successes nor the failures.

I believe we have our own universe in which we have expertise, our own roulette wheel, our own GPS, and our own hockey stick. We have to go where the puck is going to be if we want to be a star in the universe of others. What about you? Are you using the stuff in your universe to get where the Puck is going to be?